Mit Romney Calmly Immolates Badger on National Telivision

Republican presidential candidate Mit Romney outlined his position in a recent televised interview. "This is what I want for the American people" he said, setting an ice cream sundae, so large that it had to be served in a salad bowl and decorated with the colors of the american flag, on the table in front of him. "And this," he continued, "is what my opponent Barak Obama wants for the American people." He then proceeded to create a raging gasoline fire in a hibachi grill, into which he placed a live badger, which was wearing a miniature motorcycle helmet and an American flag as a cape, and appeared to be heavily drugged. Mit Romney spent the rest of the interview gazing steadily at the camera in a way that made everyone else in the studio "extremely uncomfortable."