DEA Claims that 93% of Cocaine is cut with 'possum DNA

The dissasociated press has recieved a buletin post from the DEA claiming that 93% of the DEA is comprised of ex-congressmen laced with "'possum killer" DNA. (Possum killer, or Zanzibrex Necarepossum is a type of jamaican eel.) The DEA has recently stepped up efforts to spread fake news, claiming that misinformation about drugs helps to "reduce drug use while increasing profits.(1)" When asked how these aims can possibly be reconciliated, the DEA responded by saying that "Lower demand leads to Higher(sic.) prices." While claiming that Obama told "them" to "do it."